Mean Thoughts & My New Hair Contraption

At some point in time, most of us have looked at another person and thought to ourselves, “You’re a fucking freak.” It’s not kind, but it’s definitely human.

It’s so easy to “other” someone else because of their appearance, and I feel like I’ve never thought of how it feels to be on the other end of that disparaging look—to be the fucking freak, as I so eloquently said it above.

But tonight, I was on a trip to Whole Foods with Trevor because he wanted me to accompany him, and I had a relevation. (However shallow it makes me seem.)

I agreed to ride along to the store, but I was fairly adamant about not getting out of the car because I was wearing my new heatless curling contraption. Trev says I look like Queen Amidala when I have this thing in. (For your viewing pleasure.)

Basically, when I wear the contraption, my hair is parted into two disparate sections with a giant butterfly clip on top of my head. There’s a structured rope-like piece that loops underneath the butterfly clip, and I braid either side of hair carefully around the rope. It creates this voluminous U-shape and has a costume-esque feel.

Well, I was wearing the contraption for so many hours by the time we got to Whole Foods that I kind of forgot it was in there. At least, it didn’t feel like much. And I don’t generally care how I look anyway. So, when we were driving away, I was staring at this man who looked strange to me. Less so his appearance and more so his gait and the way he was staring back at the rest of the parking lot while someone next to him was digging around the trunk. He had a haircut like Lloyd from Dumbe & Dumber, and something felt off about him. Or I’m just judgmental?

In my head, I was staring at this guy thinking, “Well, you’re a freak.” But then Trev turned to me and was like, “He must think you’re pretty.” And I’m thinking, “Ha,” until Trevor continues and says, “With that thing in your hair.”

Then it dawned at me that maybe I’m the freak? That’s why the man was staring at me. And it feels bad to be the freak. But even nastier to be on the other side.