I’ve Found My Superpower.

It’s not a particularly useful one, and it definitely won’t save the world, but I know my special power: blushing on command. Or blushing on command adjacent. I’ll explain.

I’ve noticed this quality about myself happening more frequently in the past couple of years, and I think it is getting worse (or maybe “better” depending on how I want to look at it…) with age. I believe this is because I am becoming increasingly aware of myself. All of my strengths and foibles. And, honestly, I think the more confident you become, the more willing you are to admit those weird little things that make you yourself. So, yeah, one of my weird little things is blushing all the time.

For a while now, I’ve wondered why I am so prone to turning red in the face. I usually blush when I feel like I am receiving an unwarranted level of attention because I have a very “please nobody look at me, please” type of personality. I will often blush for other people, too. If I perceive something as embarrassing on any scale for anyone, I want to die for that other person. Especially if it is some social cue mishap.

And that feels ironic to me because I wouldn’t describe myself as a particularly social creature. I can often trick people—whether I am meaning to or not—into thinking I am more social than I know myself to be. It depends on my mood. And wine. I describe myself as an “indoor cat” in this way. I choose when to shine, and I’m highly selective.

As my blushing problem has increased, I’ve started to pay closer attention to what is causing my redness. It seems to be especially this: If I am around people I only sort of know, (like my parents’ friends or something), especially genuinely kind people, I notice myself blushing more when I feel they see right through me. And not see through me in some sort of nefarious way, but see through me like they understand what kind of person I am right off the bat. I view myself as someone who sees through people in this way, so maybe it feels weird to acknowledge others have this same ability, too?

It can be a small moment of conversation, but if I feel like I don’t really know the person, and they’re asking something about me—however innocuous—and I get the sense that they already understand me deeply, I blush.

I guess it’s the feeling exposed that does it?

I’ve been seen, therefore I blush.

I’ve bounced back and forth with the terms “problem” and “power.” I think it just depends on the angle which the situation passes through my mind once I’m reflecting on why I even blushed at all. It only feels like a problem because I can’t magically control it. My hot cheeks won’t cool down just because I’m internally screaming at myself to RELAX, just relax. And it feels like a superpower because I think it means I can see other people to their core, and other people can also see me to my core. Therefore, there are many of us who can see people at their core. That feels like power to me, no?